My Story

She walked into 7th period, head down, fixating on the broken threads of her worn in Doc Martin shoes.  Her heart racing.  Principle Thomas had escorted her to class (this time) because “they” were once again following her and were waiting to corner her; to hurl names of hatred at her from across the hall, throwing them with disregard.  These people she once considered her friends, their motives were now transparent and the ease of their lies disheartened-ly surprising.  She sat there in class, the next 50 minutes, watching the hands of time wind down, wondering how her life had ended up here.  How had someone who seemingly had it all, let others break her entire existence and question her self love?  She stared at the ground as if she were looking at her shattered life, seeing all the broken pieces of herself fall to the floor right in front of her eyes.  She didn’t recognize herself, but she knew all of her was there.  She could feel the cold stares as if their deceitful mouths were inches away, breathing down her back.  Ten minutes…until she wouldn’t feel safe anymore, will anyone be waiting outside for her?  How many will it be this time?  What’s their master plan?  Four…will she have to eat in the bathroom again today?  Will they hit her? If they do, will it hurt?  Three…which group will it be this time?  The eighth grade girls or seventh grade girls, because they both seemed to want the same things.  To see her cry yes, but more so to strip away her pride and leave her hopeless.  One…she can feel her heart choking her all the way up into her throat.   Which one of them will tear away a piece of her self worth today?  Will it ever end?  When will they choose someone else and just forget about her?

What is a fren-e-my?  Well the internet would tell you that it’s a person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry.  Sound familiar?  I’ve experienced a handful of these people in my life some with better masks on than others.  They are people you trust, divulge your insecurities to, people who “pretend” to like you.  Frenemies do not have your best interest in mind and actually (gasp) want to see you fail!  If we spent half the amount of time talking about other people and actually tried to get to know them, we might find that being different is actually very interesting.  People not like you, have much more to offer your self growth.

Let’s get back to the young girl and I’ll tell you where her story took a turn.  The one who seemingly had it all, was stripped of her pride and neglected by her peers.  These were people she had known most of her life. How could they turn on her and not love her as God does?  What had she done to deserve this hatred?  Well, her “friends” decided she was given too much.  To them she was too…something. Too popular? Too good at sports? Too wrapped up in her boyfriend? Too spoiled? Too…whatever, you name it.  Sound familiar?  Many of us have often become a prisoner of the jealousy game.  They wanted her to endure feelings of hate, blame and loneliness.  To eat alone in the bathroom, to be walked to class by teachers for fear of being beaten up, to ignore her at volleyball practice and intentionally not pass her the ball, to prank call her spouting out childish names before hanging up the phone.  They even threw parties, intentionally leaving her out just to see her reaction (and this was all before social media, imagine if that demonic monster had existed.  Shoot, what’s scarier is that it now does and our children will have to face it head on).  They punished her for their sheer amusement because, let’s face it, girls can be cruel and honestly everyone in the clique was glad it just wasn’t them.  They ignored her and acted as if she simply DIDN’T EXIST.  How perfect that the one who seemingly “had it all” now simply had nothing, but shame and embarrassment.

Life isn’t fair. The sooner you realize that the quicker you come to accept yourself and see yourself for who you really are.  You aren’t better than anyone, you don’t deserve more than anyone else and you never will, no matter how much stuff you acquire or how many trips you go on. You need lots of friends, all different kinds.  Everyone is special and has much to offer the world.  My best friends aren’t even similar to me.  In fact, they are often people I wish I were more like because “real friends” don’t pretend to be someone they are not.  They are comfortable in their own skin and they don’t tear others down to deflect from their own insecurities.

The girl in the story was me, and I was bullied. There are many more details to the story that I have blocked out.  I was bullied so much so that I switched schools because of them.  A school that I loved, that my entire family went too.  I left without telling anyone and decided to make a drastic and terrifying change in my life.  This bullying made me a much better person and I’m forever changed because of it.  It’s funny how our God works in mysterious ways.  Because of the hatred I went through, I was able to meet my soul mate on this new path and adventure our Father had planned for me.  My husband and I both switched schools because of bullying and we might never have met without experiencing this type of hate.  But I tell you what…it brought us together and one thing is for certain, my children will learn from my mistakes and experiences and I will support them and always have their back.  They will be nice. Not fake nice, and most importantly they will include EVERYONE.

Do I still blame my bullies today?  No. But did it change me forever? 1,000%.  I’m a much more confident and genuinely forgiving person from their hatred.  I strive to make lots of friends, I started to become the friend that I always needed and wanted to others.  I vowed to stop talking about people, to be present, to be real and to be nice, to be excited to talk to people and be genuinely interested.  Everyone doesn’t have to like you and that’s ok.  That’s their insecurity and their loss.  But I’ll be damned if I’m going to let others bring me down and miss out on a possible lifelong friendship.  Who knows, someone out there may need you the way I needed a friend those years ago.

To my bullies, I wear your words like scars; not embarrassed or even ashamed, but as a reminder of who I have become.  You might have been able to shatter pieces of my adolescences, but what you don’t now see is the smile you have given me.  For I can now see the appreciation and uncontrollable love I am now capable of giving throughout my adulthood.

To the silent followers, who stood by without standing up for what was right, you should know your actions too pierced holes in my heart.  It no longer leaks my insecurities, but the scars are still there, like rigid armor protecting me from you.  By saying nothing at all, you too are to blame.  The glove you wore isn’t as clean as your eyes saw it to be.

Stand up for what is right. Don’t stand on the sidelines and watch hatred happen.

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” -Judy Garland

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